I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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