turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
