by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
