so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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