I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
