ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
