just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
