Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
