I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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