I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
