I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
