Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
