why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
