One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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