i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
