My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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