You're a womanizer and a bitch.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
