I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
