I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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