I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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