He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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