I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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