matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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