Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
