Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
