They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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