Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
