so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
