I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
