YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
