i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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