I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
