Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
