Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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