Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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