I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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