I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
