Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
