my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
