what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
