also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
time to smoke my breakfast
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
