Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
