He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
