i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
