He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
