The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
