You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You made out with two different species that night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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