No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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