Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
