Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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